9 BLOCKAGE OF TRUTH

"Richard, many of the ideas in this work are difficult to accept at first because the brain cells must be built to see them. Have you noticed how much we resist being made aware of the Truth of things we would rather hide from ourselves?

"Most people can think of many examples in their lives when they have tried to point out what someone was in denial about and did not want to hear. Does it sometimes seem unbelievable how difficult it is for a person to see what to others is so obvious? This dynamic is called Blockage Of Truth .

"If you pretend your life is the responsibility of others and that you have nothing to do with creating the painful emotions and the repetitious conflicts in your life, you tell yourself a dis-empowering lie and in so doing hide the Truth from yourself. Many things influence our view of life and relationships, often without our awareness . Family patterns, parental messages, blame , projection, old behavior patterns, Blockage of Truth and false forgiveness all play their part in how we interact with each other. Relationships don't die, they must be killed. Let's look at how some of these dynamics play out in a typical conflict. Notice how predictable the results are when people act out of their old patterns, refuse to look at themselves and 'forgive' each other.

[Book contains graphic illustrating how a man and women might project their own realities on their image of each other.]

"Since most people blame others for what happens to them, they 'forgive' by letting the other person off the hook ."

"What if I need to be forgiven for something I've done?"

"We have been taught an error about forgiveness, Richard. The act you are asking about is called pardoning.

"If you feel you have made an error and wish to be excused for your error, you have need of pardon, not forgiveness. Until we learn the true meaning of forgiveness, we substitute pardoning and think that forgiveness has occurred. The act of pardoning does nothing to change the internal reality structure of the person doing the pardoning. It leaves the painful internal reality in the mind in place, ready to be triggered . . . AGAIN! It also means that the person who is pardoning will usually try to control those he or she pardons so they will not trigger pain again."

"When people 'forgive' each other, using the misunderstood form of forgiveness, they let each other 'off the hook.' Then each mind still has its invisible blockages and painful realities. The only way that what has been blocked in a mind becomes visible is as pain and upset projected into its image of others.

"Each mind, then keeps its distance, viewing the other as a source of pain . Each tends to avoid a real relationship with 'them' because they fear their internalized pain will be triggered . . . AGAIN. The more often either of them 'forgives' the other in this erroneous sense, the more likely they are to think of 'them' as the problem, and the more separation they will create."

Richard was agitated at being challenged one more time with the idea that he caused his own pain and proceeded to read me the riot act. "Well, that's the way it is. Other people have always been the cause of almost every problem! If only they would listen and think logically!" he shrieked, as he momentarily forgot how the dynamic of projection works.

"I suppose thinking logically means thinking like you do?" I volleyed. "That reminds me of the old definition of a genius: someone who agrees with me. Thinking someone else is to blame is a good defense, Richard, but remember, you are the only one who has been there every time—you are the common link in every event."

I went on to refresh Richard's memory, something we all need from time to time. "Whether or not we are aware of it, whether or not we choose responsibility, we are involved in setting up everything that happens to us. This work is based on responsibility. You just torture yourself and make healing impossible by holding on to blame."

"Okay, okay, I've been there every time! I know this is something I need to work through and I will . Do you have any coffee? I'd like a cigarette, too." Richard was holding his breath.

"We have herbal teas, Richard, but no coffee. I suspect that your stress level may be elevating and perhaps caffeine and nicotine are ways you control your feelings . If you use those drugs to relieve stress and block Truth, chances are you are addicted to them. They support your illusions and projections and seem to protect you from your pain , but they function as anesthetics and are destructive to the body. I would suggest, since more feelings are surfacing, that you might let go of the need for a cigarette and coffee for the next hour or so and see if anything more comes up."

"I have noticed that I tend to smoke more when I'm upset but never understood why. I'll give it a try, I'll hold off smoking."

KEY THOUGHT—The bad news: You are the only problem in your life. The good news: You are the solution.