11 PROCESSING AND GOING UNCONSCIOUS

It is quite common, as people begin to understand this work, for them to flip-flop between clarity and their old beliefs. This is to be expected as one learns a new conceptual language and a new way of thinking. Richard was no exception to this rule.

"I don't quite get it yet, but I am beginning to realize how easy it is to lapse into my old beliefs, and it doesn't feel very good," Richard said, frustrated with himself.

"I'm not quite sure what you mean," I replied.

"An hour ago, I grasped the idea that healing and responsibility are an 'inside job.' It was very clear to me then," he answered. "Now I've reverted to my old hostility, cynicism and blame. I'm sorry I jumped all over you about the Aramaic, michael."

"May I offer a different thought, Richard?" He nodded in agreement. "People who say 'I'm sorry' a lot usually end up being sorry people. In this work, we have an alternative to that. If you wish to apologize, go ahead, but drop the idea of being sorry. Replace it with a statement of what you intend to do if that situation arises in the future."

"I'm feeling a little lost. It's like I'm back where I started. I'm ready to jump whole hog into blame again and I don't understand how I lost the level of insight I had. I don't have any idea what you mean when you suggest I replace saying 'I'm sorry.'"

"It's natural at this stage, with two belief systems fighting for your attention, to waver in your clarity. You are doing just fine on that count. The alternative to 'I'm sorry' would sound something like, 'I apologize for taking out my hostility on you, michael. In the future, if anger and resistance come up in me, I will breathe and work toward taking responsibility for my upset.'"

Richard took a deep breath and released a long exhale. "I commit myself to being responsible for my feelings and breathing instead of attacking! This is so simple, why didn't I think of it?"

"Practice. All of these tools are simple, it's just a matter of retraining our minds to think differently. In the Aramaic thought system, this issue was addressed by the statement that 'we would be transformed by the renewal of our minds.'"

I acknowledged him and assured him that he was doing fine and that, as he practiced using the tools, it would get easier to hold to his new thought structure when old patterns kicked in. "When you become aware or conscious of your own behavior and the inclinations that come from your internal reality structure, you have made a giant leap. It usually takes much longer before someone can see the inconsistencies in their thoughts, words or behaviors. We call a loss of awareness of one's internal processes going unconscious. Catching yourself at that is a wonderful skill to develop."

"R-i-g-h-t," Richard groaned.

"Take my word for it," I offered reassuringly. "Catching yourself is a good thing, honest." In addition to the frustration of feeling like he was slipping back into old thinking patterns, he also had twenty questions begging to be answered—all at once. This happens as people get more involved in this study. It can be difficult to keep the issues and insights straight. Some circling through and around the questions that come up is inevitable.

"This work, with its synthesis of so many disciplines, is a lot of information to digest in one sitting! It takes patience and time to build the brain cells and integrate those disciplines so that the tools become fully available and functional. There is an intricate pattern of interconnectedness which one must usually step back to see. As you do your work and sit with the insights that come, you will see how all of life is synchronized. You might want to reread the first insight from The Celestine Prophesy," I suggested. Richard still looked a little bewildered and, once again, was holding his breath.

"Keep breathing, healing looks like this. When old trash surfaces it is not fun, but sorting through what comes up, in the presence of Love, is what clears it out. Can you remember feeling this lack of clarity ever before?" I asked.

"Why don't you just ask me about my whole life?" he said with annoyance. All of a sudden an impish grin came across his face. "I get it. Why should I expect to deal with everything in an instant when it has taken years to get to where I am today, right?"

"As I said, it is a process."

"Does this mean I have to go digging through and re-experiencing everything in my past? I don't want to do that."

"No, there is no digging around required. If you get good at re-experiencing your past , that's what you'll be good at—re-experiencing your past . The practice with these tools is to hold a space of Love within yourself and live in today's world from that perspective. If something less than Love surfaces at any time, use the tools. As you do this, things from your past that impact your present perceptions will surface to be healed. You can only deal with and heal your reality structure in the present. Are you breathing, Richard?"

"Breathing! Why do you keep bugging me about breathing? What's the big deal?!" Richard cried angrily.

"Hey, I'm on your side, remember? I'm here to support your healing. Recall when we spoke about how pain gets locked into a reality? Holding your breath causes feelings and events to be linked and stored as a unit. The energy of an experience you are having is suppressed into tissue when the breath is held. Rather than staying stuck in upset, if you breathe, it is easier for old patterns to break lose and distasteful present moment experiences to pass. The breath is the switch that either restricts or allows energy to move in your system. Keeping your breath open makes healing much easier."

KEY THOUGHT—Every day it's the same old thing. Breathe! Breathe! Breathe!

"That fits for me. I'm just now recalling that when I was a kid I was told over and over again that I was a sinner. I think that may have done more to drive me away from the church than the hypocrisy I saw. When you remind me to breathe, it feels like that old pain of being condemned," Richard shared.

"Let's process through what is happening and look at it, step by step," I suggested.

"Wait a minute, just what is 'processing'?" he asked.

"I've pretty much described it, but processing is defined as the capacity to hold Love Conscious, Active and Present when something less than Love surfaces. It is the main key in healing; it releases the painful component of every reality unlike Love. It is not an intellectual process, though the intellect can initiate it.

"Processing releases aliveness within. Once its energy starts to move in you, you can never be the same again. You are changed and transformed—forever. When it happens, it may be like a lightning bolt or a gentle breeze, it does not matter. Its stirrings are often unconscious at first. You may not know what has happened but you will know that something has occurred. Value it. Treasure it. It is the active power of Love re-organ-izing the core of your being and the expression of the cause of your existence.

"That makes sense and definitely sounds like something I want. Let's go ahead and see if I can process what just occurred." He looked intrigued.

"Your pain around taking on the 'sinner' label may have stemmed from your beliefs about being unjustly accused. We had recently discussed your having been called a sinner, so the idea of being unjustly accused was just beneath the surface in your mind.

"By repeatedly reminding you to breathe, that which was close to the surface was triggered. My reminders easily resonated your old feelings about being accused and doing something wrong. Remember, old suppressed realities distort perception. As a kid, you were probably told a thousand times that you were a 'sinner,' and each time your pain was reinforced. Your outburst about breathing was aimed at what triggered this old pain—my reminder to breathe. Your hidden agitation was expressed as unconscious behavior—an attack toward me. Recall your intention when you apologized to me earlier?"

"Yes, I am willing to be responsible for what I feel and I'll continue to breathe," he said with determination. As he looked at me, there was a warmth in his eyes I hadn't seen before. Ancient hurts were being transformed into Love. "I really appreciate your sticking with me through all of this, michael. A few minutes ago your reminder seemed like a hassle, now I feel grateful for it. I can see that a reminder to breathe and the surfacing of old agitation is an opportunity to heal the feelings I have about being called a sinner and being condemned; it is not a reason to attack."

Richard sighed heavily. "I wouldn't have guessed there were so many dynamics under the surface driving my behavior. Is that where unconsciousness comes from?"

"Unconsciousness and projection. Notice, the agitation you had was actually about being called a sinner, something that perhaps you have not heard in decades. Your old feelings were triggered by my reminder, and you projected your upset into your mind's image of me," I said.

"Hold on," Richard said, holding up his hand as if he were stopping traffic. "I think I'm understanding unconsciousness, but what you just said about projection went right over my head."

"Remember the physicists' point of view that everything is energy? The bottom line is that there is no physical world."

"Okay, but what does that have to do with projection?" Richard questioned.

"Everything. In Truth, the world is a whirling mass of energy, a sea of motion, with nothing solid. No 'thing' exists apart from that energy. The mind is what generates the image that 'things' are solid. The mind, because of its training, blocks the evidence that all things are connected and provides the illusory image that everything is separated. The only place a body exists is as an image in the mind.

"The suppressed energies you hold from an old experience, when triggered by someone, are used by your mind as the foundation of the image it generates of them. We cannot see a suppressed attribute someone triggers as our own because it shows up in our minds as belonging to them. We actually project our attribute into our brains' image of them. Ahh, the relief of successful projection! One problem remains, however! Why am I in pain if it is their error? Why am I the one who is there every single time?

"In the Aramaic Scriptures, this is the issue that was being referenced when they said, 'Beware you who judge another, for that in which you judge another, you have been guilty of practicing.' I think you'll find the Aramaic concept of sin will tie this all together in a way that makes sense. I invite you to notice how practical and informative these Aramaic ideas are when you see them in the context of real life."

"Here we go with sin again, michael. I don't know whether to love you or hate you. I feel inspired and overwhelmed at the same time. It seems like the more I hear of what you say, the more work I realize I have to do. Does it ever end?"

"I'm not sure when the end comes. Again, I remind you, it is a process. Your feeling overwhelmed is pretty much on track for where you are. Almost everyone cycles through this stage several times as they learn this work. The healing accelerates as you develop the capacity to hold a space of Conscious, Active, Present Love while unresolved issues surface."

"Conscious… What?" Richard sputtered. "I can't even say it, let alone do it! What does that mean?"

"That is a key question and before we get into an emotionally loaded concept like sin, let's talk about the power of holding a space of Love and how to do it," I suggested.

KEY THOUGHT—Is remembering to use the tools and then using them a difficult way to live? No. What is truly difficult is living life without the tools.