dr. michael ryce, sometimes searched for as dr. michael rice
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Chapter 24 from WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME . . . AGAIN?!
WORK-IT-OUT WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND

1B. This triggers my feelings of ________________________________

"In the next blank, 1B, write your feelings . Be sure to use words that describe emotions, not thoughts. You can't feel like 'she was the favorite,' because that is a thought. Sometimes it is difficult to say what your feelings are, and the box on the right is a place to draw and describe them," I offered.

1B. This triggers my feelings of anger.

. "This is easier than I thought it would be, michael."

"Good, and the next step is a little more of a challenge. The idea with Step 1C is to identify the thought you use to cause your feelings of anger."

"I remember we talked about this earlier, but I'm not sure I quite get the idea yet. What does 'identify the thought I use to cause my anger' mean?"

"What thought, specifically, do you have to think in order to be angry about your sister being what you perceived as the favorite?" I asked.

1C. My thought that causes this feeling is _______________________ __________________________________________________

1C. My thought that causes this feeling is Amy had it easy, I never had it so good!

"That's a cinch. She had it easy, I never had it that good!" His voice went up a couple of octaves as he spoke. It was clear that his emotions were still right on the edge from the processing we had done earlier in the day. He had accomplished something uncommon for a man in our culture; he became safe enough to be open and vulnerable. "I'm still not quite sure how that thought causes my anger, though," Richard added.

"If you held the thought, 'How sweet, my sister had things so much easier than I did and I'm happy for her!' how would you feel?"

"Delighted, I guess." he answered.

"So, the actuality is the same. The only thing that changes for anger to become delight is the thought you think, right? Who suffers from your negative thoughts?" I queried.

"It's getting clearer for me that I'm the one who causes me to suffer and it boggles my mind that I do it so automatically." Richard paused as his thoughts jelled. "You know, michael, I understood this concept about two hours ago when we were talking and was amazed by the whole idea. Now, it's like I'm hearing the idea for the first time . I am understanding how my thoughts generate my feelings all over again, and it amazes me just as much now as two hours ago!"

"I can relate to that, Richard. It amazes me each time I teach it. Life works so differently from the way most of us were trained to think. An important question to ask is, 'Who is in charge of what you think and feel?'

"In the past it has been everybody but me! I am ready to take charge of my mind and be responsible for the thoughts I think. I'm grasping that my feelings are a result of my thoughts and the words I use. So I guess I'll also start taking full responsibility for them. I'm going to be more careful of the words I use and have more integrity in the way I act. Hopefully, all these things together will improve the results I produce in my life."

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Why is This Happening to Me . . . AGAIN?! 
by dr. michael ryce
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